Tag Archives: wieners and boobs

wiener cheese

EDIT: years later I sort of regret writing this. It was in jest at the time, but I seriously am very anti-circumcision. It’s cosmetic genital mutilation and it’s not okay. I’m leaving the post up but please know, I am in no way intending to reinforce stupid rationales for preforming unnecessary cosmetic surgery on infants.

Lamey: I don’t know why, but I find the 10th Doctor really attractive.  I think it’s his mannerisms.

Me: He’s too skinny AND he’s European so he’s likely uncircumcised.  I for one am glad we’ve adopted a draconian and barbaric custom of mutilating the genitals of baby boys in this country.  Uncircumcised wieners look like big ‘ol slugs.  I don’t want to see that coming at me.  Ugh.

Lamey: They are ugly, but not that bad so long as the guy is clean and takes care of his junk.

Me: Ewwww  wiener cheese!

Lamey: Haha  wiener cheese always makes me picture that stereotypical wedge of cartoon swiss.  I just imagine some guy walking around with swiss wedges falling out his pant leg and them lying all over the floor.

We laughed and went back to watching Doctor Who.  Lamey was folding laundry.  Then I remembered Andy had a foam block of cartoony swiss in the cabinet behind me.  (He’s a Packers fan.  We just have these things lying around)  So I reached behind me and found the foam cheese.  Then placed it on the table in the middle of Lamey’s folded laundry when she wasn’t looking.  She literally almost peed when she saw it.

That all happened last week, but for some reason I thought about it again this morning.  Not being one to let a joke die, I grabbed my camera and Andy’s cheesehead and proceeded to blow up Lamey’s facebook wall with wiener cheese photos.  I had such a good time creating them, I decided to share with my lovely blog reading audience.  So, without further ado, an album I like to call, “dirty house guest”.

In case you’re wondering, I wiped down the toilet seat with a Clorox wipe first.

It’s a little ridiculous the lengths I’ll go to for a laugh, even when I’m the only one laughing.

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Filed under Just a day in my life., Miscellany, pictures

This post is about neither wieners nor boobs (with pictures!)

Many of you have probably heard this story before but you haven’t heard it with pictures, so here it is again:

My friend Lamey (actually her name is Amy but I like to give people nicknames, so there you go) and I have a friendship based pretty much entirely on being snarky and childish and making wieners and boobs.  Here’s a bit of our handy work:

This is Mr. Penisface.  He was a joint effort between Lamey and me.Carcassone penis city – MADE DURING ACTUAL GAME PLAY!!!  We are super talented that way.  Incidentally, this is the picture that comes up on Lamey’s phone when I call her.

I have some others too, oragami penis made from a Keno card, text wieners and boobs, and so on.  I thought about posting them all but I didn’t want to make this post too photo heavy, I think you get the point.  I LOVE making wieners and boobs.

“But wait!” you say, “I thought you said this post was about neither wieners nor boobs!  There seem to be a lot of of wieners and boobs for a post that is about neither wieners nor boobs.”

Well, this post is indeed about neither wieners nor boobs.  I’m getting there, be patient.

Andy has this dry erase board in his office and I like to write and draw on it.  Not surprisingly I often draw wieners and boobs.  Right now it says “Hepititey Whitey” which is about butts, actually, and has nothing to do with wieners and boobs, so there.

So, Andy has this dry erase board and, like I do, I wandered into his office and picked up a dry erase marker intending to draw on it.  I kid you not, I was standing there thinking, “hmmm do I want to draw a wiener? or boobs?” I’m in a deep mental debate of the pros and cons of each and the creative routes I could go with each when Andy says:

Andy: Don’t draw on my dry erase board.

Me: Why not?

Andy: You’re just going to draw wieners and boobs.

Me: I was not!

followed by:

I seriously could not think of a single thing to draw that wasn’t wieners or boobs.  I had nothing.  Blank.  I’m pretty sure I stood there looking like a deer in headlights, holding a dry erase marker for at least 5 minutes.  All the while I can feel Andy’s eyes on me, judging me, thinking me both uncreative and a liar and mentally I’m agreeing with him.  I’m a 1 trick pony!  Wieners and boobs, that’s all I’ve got.  Just wieners and boobs and a dry erase marker in my hand!  I’m starting to panic a little when suddenly, an idea.  It’s a lame idea, but it’s an idea.  I drew …. a mustache and monocle.  Then I looked very self-satisfied, slammed down the marker and said, “I’ve made your board FANCY!” and then I stormed out.

I really have no idea why Andy stays with me.

Well, I couldn’t let Andy go thinking I’m not creative.  I had to prove myself.  I had to come up with something to draw that was both very me and not wieners and boobs.  After a little thought, I came up with this:

This drawing has been hanging at the foot of the stairs in our gaming room for several months.  Like all works of fine art, the viewer is free interpret it as they wish.  Still, artists frequently share the story that inspired the work and now I’ve shared mine.

More importantly though, this drawing and the story behind it, is what this post is about and thus, this is a post about neither wieners nor boobs.

See, I told you I’d get to it eventually.

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Filed under Board gamer lamer, Just a day in my life.