I’ve been narcoleptic for a couple of weeks. Not literally, but I have been fighting some nasty sinus crud and I suspect my blood pressure is high so by 7 PM or so I can barely keep my eyes open. This has probably been a very good thing in Andy’s opinion because he hasn’t had to deal with my usual bedtime shenanigans. Last night, however, I went to bed and Andy promptly began bothering me. Well, he asked for it.
Andy HATES bad punny jokes. I, on the other hand, LOVE bad jokes. The more moan inducingly bad the better. I revel in coming up with jokes to make Andy tell me I’m fired, or he’s done with me, or whatever. The best part about torturing Andy with bad jokes is that he’ll laugh, and then hate himself for laughing. It’s like having my very own one man Statler and Waldorf. It’s fantastic!
So last night Andy was bothering me and I made some bad joke that I can’t remember now just as the cat was jumping up on the bed.
Andy: Ugh, why do I talk to you. I should know you’re just going to come back with some horrible pun.
Me: It wasn’t me. It was the cat.
Andy: Cats don’t make bad puns.
Me: Not true. You just don’t notice them. You know why this cat doesn’t speak to you?
Andy: Why? (See what I did there? He really sets himself up)
Me: He’s MEW-t
Me: Not really. You want to know the real reason?
Andy: sigh why?
Me: There’s nothing MEWs-worthy to talk about.
(Andy rolls over so his back is to me. I get closer to his ear)
Me: Hey, you know why the cat crossed the road?
Andy: giggles why?
Me: He was chasing a MEOW-se.
Andy: That was terrible!
Me: Don’t blame me, it was the cat. I’m just translating. I told you, cats make the worst puns.
Andy: Then I’m done with both of you.
Me: Why me? It’s not my fault the cat is MEW-sless .
Andy: giggle That’s it. I’m kicking you out.
Me: (moving the cat’s mouth to make it look like he’s talking) Oh no! I’m afraid of outside! Where will I go?
Andy: The cat can stay until you find a new place.
Me: Will you help us MEWve?
Andy: I think they’re getting worse!
Me: I can do this all night, you know.
Andy: Yes, I know. Coming up with horrible punny jokes is like your super power.
Me: I told you, it’s not me, it’s the CAT! You know who the cat wants to vote for in the primaries?
Andy: (pretends like he is ignoring me)
Me: MEWt Gingrich
Andy: That was really awful
Me: It IS awful! What a terrible choice. It’s a good thing cats can’t vote.
Andy: sigh goodnight
Me: Awww are you un-aMEWsed?
Andy: Done now. We’re done. Goodnight.
I would have kept going but the cat was also done with me at that point and ran away.
Poor punny cat. Haters gonna hate.