Tag Archives: neuroses

OMG WTF IS IN MY BED?!?!

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while.  I have a lot of posts rolling around in my head, I just haven’t found time to sit down and write them.  This, however, was too weird not to share right away.

In addition to not falling asleep easily I also sleep poorly.  We bought a Sleep Number bed and it has helped somewhat but I have arthritis and my joints get achy if I’m in the same position for any length of time.  As such, I need to change sleeping positions about 200 times a night.

The night before last I went to roll over and realized something heavy, warm, and thick was on my hand.  Horrified I raised my arm up to see what it was but it was dark so I couldn’t tell.  I also couldn’t think of anything, I mean anything, that could possibly be the consistency of what was in my hand.  It was thick and sort of gelatinous with sizable lumps of something hard and it was warm, very warm.   Still horrified I began moving my fingers around, hoping my brain could come up with some logical explanation for what I was feeling.  Nothing, just squishy, warm, lumpy, unidentifiable SOMETHING in my bed … no, in my hand!  I was holding it in my hand and it came from my bed!  WTF was going on?!?!  My sleep addled brain was reeling, running through a catalog of all possible known substances when the stuff in my hand began to slowly ooze out of my hand toward my face.  I froze, my eyes wide, terrified, wondering what sort of living nightmare  I was about to experience.  It was absolutely one of the most terrifying experiences I’ve ever had while lying in bed.

I eventually got my crap together enough to move my hand away from my face.  The substance continued to ooze until it finally landed on my abdomen.  I audibly gasped.  As I lay there, eyes wide with terror, staring at some gelatinous oozing terror on my stomach, IT GOT UP!  It got up and walked away and then I finally realized what it was.  It was my freaking cat.  There had been a sheet between my hand and the cat so I didn’t feel fur, just all the other stuff a cat feels like.  Freaking cat.  Andy, of course, slept through the entire ordeal.  I think the moral of this story is that both cats and men are completely useless when you’re half asleep and experiencing tactile night terrors.

Coming soon:  Ladies, this is why you don’t have gay friends, Come to the dark side, it’s just cooler here, and at least 2 web comics.

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Filed under ... in bed, Just a day in my life.

It’s not herpes!

PSA – This is a pimple.

It is a very large and disgusting pimple, but a pimple nonetheless.

Pretty much the only place I ever get pimples is right next to my lip.  I think this is probably because I lick my lips a lot.  I also have the unfortunate nervous habits (or neuroses?) of chewing my lip, chewing on my nails / fingertips, and rolling my lower lip between my thumb and index finger when I’m concentrating.  I try not to do these things, but I don’t always succeed.

Before I continue, I want to say, I mean no disrespect to people who have the herpes virus and unfortunately have to live with herpes mouth sores.  I don’t think it means anything negative about you and understand that most people actually contract it as children through harmless daily interactions.

That said, I hate looking like I have herpes.  It’s awful and makes me more self-conscious than I already am.  Plus just having a lip pimple is bad enough without having people think its herpes.  Lips are very sensitive.  Lip pimples are, in my experience, huge, very puss filled, and cause a lot of swelling.  They also take FOREVER to heal.   Plus, because my lip pimple makes my lip swell, it feels funny so I unconsciously keep touching it, which only prolongs the eternity in which I have to live with it grossing up my lip.

If I had other pimples, it probably wouldn’t be as bad.  But when it’s just one, and it’s on your lip, everyone assumes you have the herps.  I am so neurotically worried about this stupid pimple that I have actually questioned whether it might prevent me from getting  a job and have wondered if people go behind me disinfecting things in the office after I leave.  Yes, I know this is irrational!  Haven’t you figured out yet that I am a highly irrational person?

I have had my current facial monstrosity for about a week and it hasn’t improved in the slightest.  Because I can’t stop touching the stupid thing, today I resorted to drastic measures and covered it with a waterproof band-aid.

Somehow this is better in my mind.  I mean, anything could be under there.  Rather than a pimple, maybe I was punched in the mouth during some domestic violence, or maybe I was in a car accident and a piece of windshield cut my lip, or maybe I have such chronically dry skin that it just cracked open.  None of those things would make people wipe down my keyboard while I’m at lunch, right?

These are seriously things that I worry about.  It’s no wonder I’m socially awkward.  I don’t even know how to function inside my own head!

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Filed under Just a day in my life., Miscellany