Andy: (putting vacuum cleaner away in closet adjacent to room) …
Me: Okay, this isn’t as weird as it looks.
Andy: It looks like you’re playing Words with Friends in the nude.
Me: Well, I am, but I’m playing against my cousin.
Andy: Okay, that’s actually weirder than it looks.
Me: No, see, I was getting in the shower and I heard Words with Friends chime so I came in here to mute it so it wouldn’t be annoying but then I decided to go ahead and take my turn and then I saw on facebook that my friend’s wife had a baby and I was like “awesome! I didn’t even know they were expecting” and … well … I was getting ready to get in the shower.
Andy: I’m pretty sure you crossed all sorts of weird lines right there.
Me: Well it’s not like I have a webcam.
Andy: Sigh … (wanders away)
This is why people with A.D.H.D. shouldn’t multitask.
Yeah, that happened.
When I was getting in the shower this morning there was either a dead centipede or a wad of dog hair on the mat. I couldn’t determine which and I didn’t want to look closer for fear of lapsing into some Lovecraftian monster induced madness, so I threw a towel over it and tried to pretend it wasn’t there.
I took my shower, put on Andy’s giant robe and went to let the dogs out. As soon as I got outside though, it felt like something bit me so I squealed “Ahhh centipede” flung my robe open and began jumping, swatting, and shooing simultaneously before remembering I was in my yard wearing nothing but the robe I had just flung open. Yeah.
Luckily it was 6:00 AM so most of my neighbors were probably asleep. Less luckily I saw the neighbor directly behind me let her dogs out just before I let mine out so I knew she was up. Also her lights were on. So I fixed my robe, stood on my back porch and squinted into my neighbor’s house to see if I could see her within seeing distance of me. I’m not sure what I planned to do if she was though.
Then I realized that if she could see me, what she saw was me stand facing her place, rip my robe open, act all crazy, and then stare at her. I’m hoping she doesn’t call the police. This will be pretty hard to explain.