Why many of my board games contain butt plugs

My sporadic, semi-bi-weekly  board game night started primarily because I was bored and didn’t really have any board games.  What I did have though, thanks to my uber-nerd boyfriend, was a basement devoted entirely to gaming and several friends who owned board games.  To paraphrase Field of Dreams, if you invite them, they will come.  BYOBG

I also had, for a time, a certain Ork named Bull living in my basement.  Okay, Bull’s not really and Ork but he likes to dress like one at cons and apparently there’s a Shadowrun character named after him or something like that.  Anyway, Bull the basement Ork had a copy of Settlers of Catan with a 6 player expansion that my group was quite fond of playing.  If you’ve read my post about wieners and boobs, I’m sure you’re not surprised that we enjoy a game where you get to say “Does anyone have wood for sheep?”. (hehehe that never stops being funny)

If you’ve played any of the Catan games you know there’s a “bandit” that looks like this:

Lets be honest, even unaltered the bandit looks a little like a butt plug.  Bull, however, put a little cap on his, which made it look pretty much entirely like a butt plug.  Sadly, the actual game piece has been lost so I drew a this picture.

The first time Bull broke out his Catan game, the conversation went something like this:

Me: Haha!  Dude, why is there a butt plug in your Catan game?

Bull: It’s a little helmet.  My old gaming group thought it looked like Vader.

Me: I don’t think Vader looks like a butt plug.  That’s totally a butt plug.

Everyone else agreed.  Bull was embarrassed and, being the jerks that we all are, Bull being embarrassed was really funny.  So, of course, we all had to continue to call it a butt plug just to make Bull indignant.

Typical game night.

Before I continue, it occurs to me that maybe some of my reading audience is unfamiliar with what a butt plug looks like.

Well, there are lots of different kinds, but here are a couple of examples.

Slight digression: While I was looking for pictures of butt plugs to go into this post, I ran across a sculpture, there are several of them actually as well as giant inflatables and chocolate replicas.  The sculptures are in the Netherlands and were made by an American artist named Paul McCarthy.  The sculpture is called, and I swear I’m not making this up, “Santa with a butt plug”.  Feel free to google it if you don’t believe me.  Here’s the sculpture:

Apparently it’s a statement about extreme consumerism associated with Christmas.  Haha.  I hate Christmas about as much as a person can but … yeah.  I’ve got nothing.

End digression.

So calling the Catan bandit a butt plug has had the amusing side effect that any game piece that is even remotely similar to the Catan bandit has now been dubbed a butt plug.  Some of these are a huge stretch too (no pun intended).  Probably the biggest stretch is the King’s Envoy, which Andy mistakenly called “the King’s favor” once, which made me laugh so hard I nearly peed.  The King’s Envoy looks absolutely nothing like a butt plug but we call it one anyway.  I recently heard that another associated gaming group calls it a butt plug now too.  I’m an influential person that way.  haha

This is the King’s Envoy.  It is definitely the least butt plug like of all of our gaming butt plugs.

The other unintended side effect is that people who play board games with my group tend to pick up the habit of calling game pieces butt plugs.  I didn’t really realize this was a problem until 2 Thanksgivings ago when I took Settlers of Catan to my mom’s holiday dinner.

The problem wasn’t that family members were shocked by talk of butt plugs.  We’re a weird family and that’s nowhere near the oddest thing to come up in holiday conversation.  The problem was that kids tend to repeat things.

My brother and his girlfriend had played the game with me before so I thought it would be fun.  I set it up and my brother Dave, his girlfriend Sandra, her then 7 year old son Dylan, Andy and I all began playing a game.  Since Dylan was playing I was being careful to call the butt plug a bandit.  My brother, however, was not so subtle.

Me: Oh! 7.  You get to move the bu … bandit.

Dave: What? Oh, you mean the butt plug?

Me: Sigh, yes, it’s actually called a bandit.

Dave: Whatever.  Give me the butt plug.

(a few turns later)

Dylan: 7! I get to move the butt plug!  I’m going to butt plug you, Mom!

Me: Haha, way to go Dave.

Dave: What?  He doesn’t know what it means.

Me: Which is exactly why he’s going to go to school and talk about the game he played with a bunch of adults and a butt plug.

As far as I know he didn’t go to school talking about butt plugs, but my daughter did.

My daughter is away at college so, like all kids her age, she and her friends decided to check out a sex shop.  While wandering the isles, my lovely daughter announced, “Hey! butt plugs!  So this is what my mom is always talking about.”  Yeah, so now I’m the weirdo mom.

Regardless of the implications, the butt plug trend continues.  Go forth, roll a 7, and butt plug some sheep.  It feels good and you’ll feel good doing it.

Hmmm … I should make t-shirts for my zazzle shop!


Leave a comment

Filed under Board gamer lamer, Drawings

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s