Conversations in bed: Your guys suck at Star Wars

I have a really hard time falling asleep.  The problem is, I am really easily bored and lets face it, just lying in bed waiting to fall asleep is almost as boring as watching televised sports.  So I lay there and my brain starts trying to entertain itself.  Much to Andy’s chagrin, my mouth is all too willing to follow its lead.  This is just a little taste of the night time gems with which I keep Andy awake.

Bear in mind, I’ve never actually played a tabletop RPG so I am completely talking out of my butt here.  I really have no clue how these things work aside from knowing there’s a lot of reading and dice rolling involved.

Me: Soooo, you’re playing this Star Wars RPG.  If I decided to play, how much reading would be involved?

Andy: None really.  You know the universe and the characters.  We could explain the rules.

Me: I don’t know Star Wars THAT well.  I’m only a casual fan.  I don’t mind some reading though.  I just find reading rules to be mind numbingly dull.  (Here’s where I should mention I went to law school.  Probably a poor career choice for someone so adverse to reading rules that I won’t even play RPG’s)  The only reason I’m even considering Star Wars is because the books I’ve seen lying around aren’t very thick.  I could maybe suffer through them.

Andy:  That’d be cool.  We’re still getting it together right now anyway.  None of the guys want to play the tech.  You sort of need someone with tech skills for ship repairs and hacking and stuff.

Me: So get an R2 unit.  Problem solved.  Your guys suck at Star Wars.

Andy: The problem is, you need money to buy droids.  I don’t think they could afford it.

Me: So make your first mission be on Tattooine, find a Jawa Sandcrawler and buy some piece of crap used R2.  They could chip in or something.

Andy: Even used droids cost money.

Me: Is there a rule for bargain basement, barely functional, you have to wheel it around on a dolly because it’s not even mobile droids?

Andy: No.

Me: Well there should be.  I saw episode IV and those Jawas had some real pieces of crap out there for sale.

Andy: Well there’s not.  Chester wants to play a droid, but not that kind.

Here’s where I decided that Chester, who I vaguely understand to like chaos characters, which I very vaguely understand, should play a Mandalorian, which I have very little knowledge of, because they don’t form strong alliances from what I understand so in my reasoning they could be played very chaotically if the player so chose.  Even though I really didn’t know what I was talking about, I still argued very vehemently for about 15 minutes.  Why not?  It’s not like anybody’s trying to sleep or anything.

Skipping ahead…

Me: If I play, I just want to play a wookie.  On all my turns I’ll just say Rrrrraaaaaaawwwwwwwrrrrrr and occasionally rip someone’s arms off.  It’ll go like this: You: It’s your turn.  What do you want to do?  Me: rrrrrrrraaaaaaaaawwwwwrrrr rooor rawwww ooooorrrrr roar.  You: No, seriously.  Me:  Rawww rrrr rawrr roooooo raaaaahhhh raaaaawwww.  You: Ok, fine.  Roll the dice.  Me: The wookie doesn’t want to roll the dice.  It’s best to just let the wookie win.

Andy: Why do I talk to you again?

Me: rawwwwrrrrr

Andy: I’m going to sleep.

Me: Guess what?

Andy: You’re going to fart?

Me:  Nope.  Just rrrrrraaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwrrrrrrrrr

Andy: I’m done talking to you.  Go to sleep.

By then it was after midnight and Andy has to be up at 7 AM so I decided to shut up and read for a while.

And this is why I am the best best girlfriend ever.

The End.

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5 Comments

Filed under ... in bed

5 responses to “Conversations in bed: Your guys suck at Star Wars

  1. Doug "Canadian" Pirko

    Amusingly enough, in the first edition of said RPG, Wookie and R2 droid player characters were only supposed to speak in roars and mechanical chirps, respectively. The player chose one other player who automatically understood what their Wookie/droid character meant, everyone else had to interpret on context.

    In a travesty of mechanics, players with Wookie characters still had to roll dice.

    • That sounds like a recipe for awesome game play if you ask me. I mean, you could always resort to Wile E Coyote style subtitles if need be, right?

      *holds up sign* “The wookie does not want to roll the dice. Best to just let the wookie win.”

      It works.

  2. Evil Bekka

    Our wookiee (who is female, impeccably groomed and vegan — yes, the character) speaks in raaawwwrrrrs. The one character who understood her quit playing. Fortunately, my character has learned basic directions and swear words in wookiee, so we get by…

  3. Jessica Erbacher

    LOL this cracked me up!

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